


The Doctor & Touch

by AmAgusSpas



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Character Study, Confessions, Cute, Drabble Sequence, F/F, Family Dynamics, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hugs, Introspection, Short & Sweet, Surprise Kissing, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 22:49:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21216329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmAgusSpas/pseuds/AmAgusSpas
Summary: Five times that the Doctor thought things about touch and held herself back, and one time she really didn't.





	The Doctor & Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you cult for the idea, love you all <3  
Also, a great chance for me to think about my overall headcanon I hardly use, gasp!
> 
> 13 has an aversion to touch  
Or, rather, finds it a mostly uncomfortable experience/it's for her protection  
However, she finds it easier to tolerate around Yaz and it confuses her

She was going to keep everyone at arm’s length. If she didn’t let anyone in, then nothing bad would happen. Surely. At least, that was her idea anyway. Sadly, she hadn’t counted on picking up a rather stellar bunch of humans along the way, and it was causing a few problems. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them, the problem was that she did. She had tried to persuade them away, give them something almost fearful to mull over, but they were stubborn. As always. Humans were far too stubborn for their own good, and it always surprised her. Ryan, Graham and Yaz had decided to come along with her, both through their own volition and then as a collective, and it filled the void of loneliness in her hearts. Except that was the problem. She depended on them to have some kind of purpose, some feelings, to stop her from falling in on herself and retreating to the behaviours she swore she’d never had again. But keeping people away was one of them…she just wanted to be safe.

Thankfully, at first glance, none of them seemed to be physically open. Which was a huge bonus. No more chasing them away! Unfortunately, she had not counted on landing in a time period where Yaz and Ryan were rather unsafe. So much so they had taken to hiding behind bins because of unwanted attention. The Doctor hated herself for what had happened. She had expected a fight, anything, except she was saved by the quick thinking of Graham. He wittered on as much as she usually did, enough for the officer in question to finally disappear. Although, with the threat of keeping up appearances still lingering, something even more unexpected happened. The only people left in the room where her and Graham, lingering next to each other. She wanted to go and find Ryan and Yaz, but was stopped. Her body began to tingle, alerting her to something, that something being a hand on her shoulder. That was not supposed to be here.

The Doctor turned her head to the side, face scrunching up in a mix of confusion and disgust. Graham was not supposed to do that. Graham wasn’t any sort of physical contact kind of guy. She was absolutely certain. He had that vibe. She hadn’t seen him close to Ryan at all, and barely anything at all with grace now she thought about it. Thankfully, he neither noticed her expression nor lingered for too long, instead going to deal with Ryan and Yaz. Still, it left her feeling very strange. There was a lingering tingle across her shoulder, like the hand was still there against her. Rolling her shoulders and violently shrugging the feeling away, the Doctor got back to the task at hand; figuring out what was wrong in Montgomery.

She never mentioned the incident to anyone, aside from filling Yaz and Ryan in on what had happened while they were hiding. Ryan was far too amused at the fact Graham had been pretending to be Steve Jobs, which at least kept everyone distracted while she got herself back on track. It was only one incident. One little thing. She could work with that. If that was the only contact she was going to get from this found-family, then she could manage their stay without a hitch. Finally, she could just focus on being an unintentional saviour, rather than managing ship-based dynamics. That was going to be a great change of pace.

* * *

She was in over her head. Absolutely in over her head. Since when had she started to bow to pressure? Not even hard pressure, just a gentle whine of it. So much for her ‘no getting involved’ rule. Gods, she was a mess. What was it about Yasmin khan that made her just want to…do things. Less than begrudgingly, she had agreed to let Yaz go back to see her nan. She had hooked her watch up and set the TARDIS in motion. Surely she would listen to a one hour time limit. Surely. She had faith in her. As always though, her faith was completely misplaced. Yaz went off, got involved, and she was so terribly annoyed at herself for being so weak. Ryan and Graham just looked at her as she ranted, although she was too lost in the moment to see a little glimmer in their eyes. Something that would have clearly explained why she was so frustrated.

It was a good job they had turned up to the Partition though, because it was apparent that there was some serious familial foul play going on. Not just familial, but of course she had attracted the attention of some other alien entities. It was always the same. Someone or something wanted to mess with the past of Earth. Just once, she wanted a nice jaunt back in time, where nothing bad happened. The worst part was, that it was directly affecting Yaz’s past. If she didn’t stop it in time…no, she wasn’t going to think about it. She was going to fix it.

One death was one too many. She had kept the Thjarians out for as long as they could, but they were clever. They had reversed her locks, come and found her, took her away from her fam. It was surely the end for her, they were assassins after all. So many people wanted her hurt, or dead, or anything in between. It wasn’t too much of a surprise. But what was a surprise, was the new knowledge that they weren’t assassins. At least, not anymore. Her hearts broke for them, they had lost everything. She knew that pain far too well. Instead, they honoured the dead, and that was better than she could have ever hoped for. Except their work wasn’t done. They had others to witness. The Doctor had not prepared for one of them to be Prem. All the begging and pleading under the sun could not fix what was about to come – fixed point in time – and all she could do was accept it. By the time she returned to the rest of her friends…the Doctor had to delicately explain what was about to come.

The Doctor tried, she still tried, to make history change. But it was too much. Too set in stone. All she could do was let things play out again. She got flashbacks to Rosa Parks, and how she had inadvertently caused her own importance in events. She was making too much a habit out of that. They stood and watched, for as long as time would allow, before leaving. The Doctor lead the charge away, fearful for turning back and looking at Yaz. She didn’t want to see her hurting. But when the gunshot rang out through the dry grasslands, she felt her hearts break. Only she could have taken someone she cared about back to see someone die…again. Thoughts of former companions came back, and she was glad then that nobody else could see a tear drop from her eyes.

Inside the TARDIS, under the warm amber glow, Yaz came up to her. It was a quiet moment, just before setting off for some well deserved rest. The Doctor stood tall, face softening at the sadness in her companion’s eyes. There was something strange about the moment though. Ryan and Graham were hanging back on the other side of the console, leaving her alone with Yaz. How had that happened? Either way, Yaz was there, with the watch and looking at her with such emotion. Something tugged at the Doctor’s hearts. She wanted to close the distance between them. She wanted to take her in for a hug, make all the bad feelings go away again. But she had made a promise to herself, that she wouldn’t get close, and that was what she did.

Instead, the Doctor took her home to see her Nani, with the promise that her timeline was safe and sound. It was the least she could do.

* * *

They had only been travelling for a short time after their stop-off in Sheffield. The Doctor had plans to take them all somewhere fun and exciting to make up for the lost time of the previous misadventure. Except something was following them, something that really shouldn’t be. Nothing would shake it. Although, eventually she clocked what the mystery object was. Just a delivery bot. Turns out it had been so long since she had last passed through the galaxy, that two regenerations had gone by. Still, at least she finally had her fez. She wanted to carry on with the trip, but something was wrong. Yaz brought her attention to it immediately. There was a help note tucked into her package. Normally, cries to help for her specifically were so few and far between that she barely took notice of them. They had really just spent their time clocking onto whatever random signals were floating about, or wherever the TARDIS saw something unusual going on. Anything directed at them were often a trap. However, one again, the Doctor found herself unable to resist the pull of Yaz’s determination.

Ryan was fast becoming the unintentional brains of the operation. Or, at least his curious questioning often lead the Doctor to have an ultimate brainwave. Sadly it meant doing her most hated thing; lying to people. Not like she didn’t do it all the time. It was a terrible double edged sword. With a flick of her psychic paper and a buzz of the sonic, they were in. All they had to do then was find out whoever out there – in a building full of thousands of people – wanted some help. Even more annoyingly, everyone was split up. The Doctor had to make it work. With a little swap with Graham, she sped off with Ryan to wherever they were headed, leaving Yaz on her own. She hated that.

She hated it even more when she found out someone Yaz was working with had gone missing. She had tried playing nice for their time there already, but the Doctor was not in the mood for games. Not when human life was at stake. She gathered up her crew, sent Graham off on another mission, and took things right to the top. There was nothing prepared for the whole thing to go sour, even after her posturing, leaving her with the on-fly decision of espionage. Conspiracies were the bane on her life it seemed. The excitement over hiding away in the alcove covered over every part of her brain that screamed at how close she was to both Ryan and Yaz. There was enough room for them to shuffle around, sure, but she was still shoulder-to-arm with both of them, made more inconvenient by her fragrant posturing of points.

Most of the of their trip had been an absolute blur. Delivery bots attacking. More workers vanishing. Talking to an old sales bot. Then, finally, coming into contact with the one who had called for help. The whole system of Kerblam. A sentient computer operating system, begging for her help. Not what she had expected, but she still did her best to help. Much to her regret, two lives were lost on that day. On top of many others. Nothing in her plan had prepared her for that either. By the time everyone returned to the TARDIS, the Doctor was feeling more than a little dejected. There was no time to dwell on her own morals and ethics, her own internal turmoil, because once again she was presented with a problem – one Yasmin Khan. She had just sidled up to her, unannounced and silent, whispering to her. Lifting her head from the console, she was met once again with eyes filled with sadness and trepidation.

“Always.”

The feeling was back again. The one that wanted to drive her forwards and do whatever she could to fix things. At least there was another option again. Yaz wanted to go and find Dan’s daughter, and return his necklace. She wanted to tell her what happened. Of course, the Doctor agreed. It really was the least she could do. As she set the TARDIS in to motion to her new destination, the Doctor found herself pondering over how selfless and kind Yaz was. She wanted to tell her, to show her, but she held it all back in the space between her hearts and let it fester.

* * *

Nineteen New Years’. It had been one hell of a rollercoaster. There were so many different places to see, so many things to do. She wanted to share the universe with her fam, and it was the perfect time to do so. All four fo them stood near the doors of the TARDIS, in awe of the cosmic fireworks. The Doctor lingered at the back, standing next to Ryan and behind Yaz. As time had wore on between them, the relationship between Ryan and Graham had blossomed, and for that the Doctor was entirely thankful. Sadly, it came with the downside of leaving her options with Yaz. Although sadly was the wrong word. She was terribly enjoying their time together. But, that therein lay the problem – she enjoyed it. Her original plan of not getting involved was slipping away with each passing moment, and the Doctor let it. With her hand on Yaz’s shoulder, she patted her shoulder a few times before disappearing back into the TARDIS to take them away for their next trip. She listened to her fam go on about their favourite times, somehow ending up with just Yaz again. Oh, she couldn’t stop her joyous smile, not when she was greeted with the best one from Yaz. The one that was just hers. Stars above how she wished she could see that smile all the time.

But her plans were thwarted…something was going on on Earth again.

All she had wanted to do was one more trip for New Years. Just one more. But no, Sheffield needed them. They ended up in the underground waterways of the city, something about archaeological digs and…a squid? Whatever it was, she was at least thrilled at the prospect of stretching her scientific mind out to figure out what had been found. She left Yaz to do her official duty, inwardly smiling at how brilliant she was at her job. All she needed to do was make a quick stop to Graham’s house for some things…which didn’t go as good as she had hoped. A chair broke, and Ryan’s dad made a very sudden appearance. Although, it was at least a good chance for her to berate him for his terrible handling of the Grace situation. But that wasn’t as important as figuring out what was going on in Sheffield.

Turns out, it was her worst nightmare.

A Dalek. Of course it was a Dalek. How many times did she have to go up against them until they had finally been wiped out? What’s more…why did it have to appear when she was with the one set of people she was trying desperately to protect from her history? People got caught up in the chaos, lives were lost, but at least Lyn had managed to fend it off. Still, it had had time to make a new case…get it’s weapons…it was utter chaos. She did her best to make sure Lyn was alright, her wounds thankfully more psychological than physical, and all the time she noticed in her periphery that Yaz was lingering around. She held onto her arm and lifted her up, fingers lingering down the sleeve of her coat, followed her into the warehouse. It had taken all of her strength to get her to go back to the TARDIS.

She hated taking the Dalek onto her ship .She hated having to taint her with it’s foul presence. She hated how it had taken Aaron, still refusing to just give up and die. Not even the vacuum of space was taking it…and all she could do was weigh up her options. Let it die with Ryan’s dad in tow…but that never happened. Everyone was safe. Finally. Finally she could rest. It was heart-warming to see Ryan have a little bit of a reconciliation moment, and even though her offer of travel was rejected…it was nice. She was just being polite. All that was left to do was to carry on with their adventures through time and space.

She gathered them all up, back at the TARDIS, ready to carry on. But Yaz had her attention again, asking her the most brilliant of questions with the most brilliant of smiles. She was lost in the shine of her eyes. So, all the Doctor could do was respond with the truth.

* * *

She would take them everywhere any anywhere. No matter what, anything for Yaz.

“Aha! Yaz! Oh my stars, you absolutely brilliant human you!”

She had been so wrapped up in her own little world of science and maths that she had completely missed the obvious. It wasn’t even the first time that Yaz had come up with the solution to a problem that had been confounding her, she had definitely been taking lessons off her or something. There was so much nervous and excited energy bubbling up inside her, threatening to spill over, and she had to do something with it. Even amidst the blaring alarms and flashing lights, the Doctor ran towards Yaz and wrapped her in her arms. She span around on the spot once, twice, laughing like a woman possessed. The Doctor paid no attention to Ryan or Graham, nor the squirming of Yaz, finally dropping her back on the ground as vertigo began to set in. If she had to look back at the moment, then she would have been hard pressed to even begin to explain why she did what she did next; both hands came to rest on Yaz’s cheeks as she drew in close for a hard-pressed kiss.

“Right then fam, let’s get this ship landed!”

Just as fast as she had been in Yaz’s personal space, lips against her own, she was gone again. All arms flailing and coat flapping as she hit various buttons and levers with unusual precision. With a quick twist of her sonic to add to the chaos, the lights and sirens died down. When she turned around and expected her fam to be impressed by her skills, she was instead met with wide eyes stares across the board. Her arms dropped slowly to her sides, hands eventually falling into her pockets. With her head tilted to one side, she questioned them generally.

“What? Why’s everyone gone all silent? We just set the ship back on course to land!”

It turns out, she had made a complete and utter fool out of herself. Still, at least her fam were kind enough to politely skirt around the subject. Still, she made a mental note to talk to Yaz about it later. She genuinely hadn’t realised what she had done…although it wasn’t the first time such a moment had happened in her life. The one with the fez obsession had done it once before to a much similar reaction. Stars, she was really permanently awkward. Maybe it just ran in phases? Only herself and one other after the War seemed to be awfully impulsive.

With the ship safely landed, and all the occupants sent off to their respective planets, team TARDIS returned to crash for the night. There hadn’t exactly been an opportune moment to go an approach Yaz about what had happened, between Ryan setting off the smoke alarm and Graham preparing a new meal for them all. By the time they had done, she had only just about managed to catch Yaz as she headed off to her room. It had taken several whispered shouts to grab her attention, but it did happen. Although now she had the moment, it was hard to do anything with it.

“Listen…Yaz…about earlier…ugh. I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for what I did back there. It’s just that I got really excited and I was so proud of you for the things that you said and how you managed to knit my brain back together after all that, and I kind of went off on an impulse that’s been stuck in my brain for ages, but either way I shouldn’t’ve done it and-”

A hand came to rest against her arm, soft eyes gazing at her with such warmth that the Doctor was sure she was about to melt. What happened next came as a complete surprise to her. Yaz’s hands wrapped around her braces and tugged. Hard. Soon enough, she had her lips on hers and the Doctor thought all of time and space had ground to an impossible stop. She had nothing to be scared of. In all those months, she was just denying herself the possibility of happiness. Thankfully, Yaz was more than capable of taking the reins, even if she was rather awkward and impossible to gauge. Yaz was the only one she wanted to hold, to keep close, to have shatter her ancient walls.


End file.
